The Best Myachis of All Time

by Crazy Ivan

One of the most common questions I get from newer Myachi players is "which Myachi is the best?"

If you follow this blog, you probably know that I am incapable of responding to a simple question with a simple answer, so instead I'll usually duck out of it with something like "It's mostly a matter of personal preference" and then toss out my personal favorite.

But that's because I don't want to spend 20 minutes answering a simple question.  That's in the real world, of course.  In the blogosphere, my goal is to spend 20 minutes answering a simple question so when Rotscale suggested this as a blog topic, I ran with it.

Of course, there is no universally accepted "Best Myachi" and each Myachi Master and Myachi player will probably give you a different answer if you ask which is the "best jammer", but there are a few sacks that almost always show up when we start discussing the greatest Myachis of all time.

Below are 5 Myachis that often get mentioned in those conversations.  Like everyone, I have a personal favorite, but I'm going to try to remain objective and not spend the whole time talking about how awesome the Calvin is:

 #1) The Calvin

Guaranteed to break in like your favorite pair of jeans...

Man, this sack is so awesome.  It's awesomeness is so awesome they had to downgrade the awesomeness of other things just to keep the word relevant.  Despite its unrivaled awesomeness, this sack was kind of an ugly duckling when the 1.0 series came out.  Next to jammers like the Black Butter and the Dawg Diggity and striking sacks like the Royal Tiger, the Leopard Lime, the Purple Haze and the Red Stripe,  the Calvin often got lost in the shuffle.

It was the worst selling Myachi in the entire series until one day when Animal finally decided to really break one in and see what it was all about.  And man, let me tell you, this duckling turned into a swan.  I fell in love after a few minutes of jamming with Animal's Calvin (he named her "Jezabel" and bestowed upon her the title of "the Calvin of unholy righteousness", whatever that's supposed to mean).

The Calvin is durable and gets yummier and yummier as time goes on.  It takes weather well, it washes well and it turns to liquid in your hands on long distance catches.  That being said, being my personal favorite doesn't make it the greatest jammer.  The Calvin has since been replaced with far more jammable Myachis but it was the last Myachi that ever reigned as an undisputed Champion.  For a time, virtually everyone in the game agreed that the Calvin was the best we'd ever made.

 #2) The Coreyster 

The shame is that half the people that were at this Bar Mitzvah
have one of these things and have no idea how prized it is.

The Coreyster ranks high atop the list of the best jammers ever made.  In a popularity contest through all of Myachidom the only thing that would stand in the way of this sack winning outright is that there aren't very many of them around and not enough jammers have used them.

Coreysters were made for a Bar Mitzvah (bet you can guess the date!) and there were only 150 of them produced.  The Bar Mitzvah boy was kind enough to hook several of the Myachi Masters up with one after the party so we broke them in and were happy to discover they were awesome beyond belief.

Word made it around quickly when Monk adopted a Coreyster as his primary jammer and this sack has been a favorite ever since.  Of course, because it was made in such small numbers only a small number of the people who look for these guys will ever find them.

 #3) The Black Belt 

The ninja of Myachis.

I suppose I could have just as easily substituted any of the belts here, but the connotations of the Black Belt are such that it's the obvious choice.  What says "mastery of skill" like a Black Belt?  Especially if it happens to be one of the most spectacularly yummy Myachi to ever grace the human hand.

Like the Coreyster, the Black Belt was made in a very small number.  Only 121 of them were produced at all and even fewer White and Blue Belts were made (you'd know how many if you'd done your homework on the Sackthology!).  So like the Coreyster not a large enough percentage of the Myachi population has direct knowledge of how great these guys really are.

But unlike the Coreyster, the Black Belt is a legend just for being an awesome pitch black Myachi with a glyph on it called the Black Belt that is uber-rare.  Even if this thing jammed worse than a Tootsie-Roll it would be prized in the Myachi world.  On top of that it's one of the greatest jammers we've ever made so word of its jammability quicky reached every corner of the Myachiverse.  I'd venture to say that even most Myachi Maniacs who've never jammed with a Black Belt still know it as one of the greatest jammers.

 #4) The Eco Kids 

You know why the tag's blurry?  I couldn't stop jamming with
this thing long enough to take a still photo.  That's why.

I show the Eco-Kids Yellow in the picture because it was the most well known, but I would include 5 of the 6 Eco Kids Myachis in this list (the Blue one left a little to be desired jam-wise).  Mostly though, I'm referring here to the original three, the Yellow, the Brown (Beige, Tan, whatever...) and the Green.

These three sacks were made for a great cause in honor of a great human being and this was one of the most rewarding fund raisers we've ever done.  It really helps the memories that the Myachi I associate with it is one of my all time favorites as well.

Like the Coreyster, the Eco Kids was tossed into the lime light by Monk more than anyone else.  A few ridiculous Eco Yellows in his collection left dozens of dedicated players clambering to get their hands on one (but not their palms) and it rightfully took it's place amongst the best jammers.  Of course, like the last 2, this one was made in extraordinarily small numbers so it suffers from a lack of familiarity as well.  The same is certainly not the case for the next contender.

 #5) The Red Line 

And in a pinch you can also play little tiny checkers on them.

To be fair, there are any number of great corduroy sacks I could have used here.  The Red Line is not intrinsically better than the Finish Line or the Starting Line and one could certainly make the case that it's no better than the Gang Green, the Beards or the Yellow Jacket.  I choose the Red Line as my example because it's plentiful.  It's one of the most widely available corduroys ever made and it is unquestionably jammable.

It has a bit of an advantage on the last three sacks.  While almost all Coreysters, Black Belts and Eco Kids became great jammers, some long-boarded a little too much and others never really broke in to a legendary playability.  The Red Lines were virtually 100% jammable.

This sack was so popular that it was rereleased in several series after being accidentally released at the tail end of the 3.2 series (funny story... I'll have to tell it to you someday).  They came at a time when the corduroy was just being recognized as a superior jam-fabric and their neutral pattern and top shelf jammability has made and kept them favorites for jammers since their release.

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There are so many more Myachis that deserve mention here.  I will probably be berated in e-mails if I don't at least toss a nod to such legendary sacks as the Suffolk Downs, the recent but already legendary CMC, the Members Solutions, the Syd and any of a couple dozen corduroys.  I'd love to keep going but this list has to end somewhere.

The truth is that you could never find the best jammer by looking at a list anyway.  The simple answer to the simple question of "Which sack is the best jammer?" is "The one you jam with the most", and that's all there is to it.  If you put enough TLC into a Fudge Stripe it will be a superior jammer even if it's never going to make anyone else's list of the best jammers of all time.

Any sack can be the best jammer if you jam with it enough.

Okay... not any sack.  I'm not sold that anybody could break in a Vette, a Neo or a Candy Corn enough to make them Sumpoy but I'd love to be proven wrong.