Weird Ways of Selling Myachis

by Crazy Ivan

Years ago, Myachi Man hit upon a great method of selling his product: he threw it at people.  Now if you think about it, this is a darned effective sales technique.  If you throw something at somebody they're going to either catch it or get hit by it.  Either way you have their undivided attention.

Clearly this doesn't work for every product.  If you're selling hot dogs, bowling balls or used cars, you're going to have to find a different way to do it, but for Myachis it works wonders.  As soon as somebody catches a Myachi they're already half way to wanting one.

Ever since the early days, this has been our primary tactic, one Myachi Man refers to as "Myachi Bombs Away".  We simply call out something along the lines of "You're in!  Back of the hand!"  At the same second as they look our way, we toss the Myachi in and they catch it in self defense.  More often than not they catch it in their palms (as is instinct for most people) and throw it back, but by then they're already on the hook and it's just a case of reeling them in.

See, the beauty of selling Myachis for a living is that most people want one within minutes of touching it.  If you play with it long enough to see what it is, you're almost guaranteed to fall in love with it.  Within four tricks most people are asking the ever present question, "How much?"

You might think that with a fool-proof sales technique like that, we wouldn't have to bother getting very creative.  Once you hit upon chucking your product at an unsuspecting public you can generally ease up on remaining creative, but that wouldn't be the Myachi way.  If it was, the Duck N Dive would still be the toughest move in the game.

So sometimes we go crazy trying to figure out new ways to present our product.  Sometimes that's Animal chasing people down (even if they leave the store) and making them play.  Other times it's Monk refusing to let somebody play just so they'll really want to.  Once in a while it's Bones pretending like a he's never seen the game before and allowing Maverick to loudly explain it to him.

And once in while, it might even be Noodles doing this:




Strangely enough, this method does not appear in the Myachi training manual, but if it keeps working that well maybe we'll have to add it.

But all of these methods have one thing in common: fun.  Fun is the only universal.  We've learned over and over again that as long as we're having fun, the people around us will have fun.  If the people around us are having fun, they buy Myachis.

You wouldn't think that is much of a mystery.  I mean... we are selling a toy after all.  You would expect that every toy salesperson on earth subscribes to that same ideal.  You would expect it, but as a quick tour of a demo-heavy toy store will show you, that's not the case.  Many of the sales people are exactly that; sales people.  They will tell you all about how durable the product is, they'll show you how easy the batteries are to replace, they'll show you what they can do with it... but they forget to have fun.

In Myachi, that's the first instruction our employees get.  "Have fun", we'll say, "and if that doesn't work, you'll have to work."  That's why you'll very rarely hear a Myachi Master say "I have to go to work"... instead, we more often opt for, "I've gotta go play".

Oh... and don't do what Noodles did in the video.  The world is running out of helium and we can't afford to waste it on funny voices.  Well... unless it helps you sell 5 DVD combo packs.